JP

Obedience


Day after day
Week after week
Does this fighting ever come to an end?
Is there no lasting peace?
I say ‘yes Lord, I will go’
And find little rest; little peace
No place to lay my head
What comes my way is all but for a short time
Just enough for the moment
Then I go back to war
Back to that bone dry dessert
And find myself fighting but once more
Stumbling in that blistering sun, will life always be like this?
What can I do but continue forward?
What can I do but hold on?
Like that little child who grabs a hold of a death grip on her bed sheets,
In fear of the demon beneath her bed
Searching for safety, something to hold on to in her fear
In her loneliness she does not let go, she does not let go
Always having to hold on, not for a moment, but for what seems like eternity
No rest, no constant stability
Just waiting on the Lord in his timing which seems like eternity in itself at times
Will I always have to cry out for my spirit to be uplifted?
Will I ever just be ‘up’?
Will I have to walk in this dessert for forty years?
Obedience

Will I ever be on course?
Like the drunken man trying to find his way home
in the early hours of the morning
Staggering from side to side
Can I not feel sober? Can I not walk straight?
Mindsets, lacking,
Attitude, Impatience,
Eagerness, Anxiousness
Is it me? Is it you?
This blindness is causing fatigue
My deaf ear is wearing on me
Why, just why?


Will I ever see this course?
Will I only see when I look back?
I know I’ll see your goodness when I look back, for I already do
I trust it, I trust you
I believe it, I feel it

All I can do is fall to my knees
Lift up these broken hands,
Close these clouded, heavy eyes and say
‘Take me Father… Take me.’