Thursday, January 05, 2006
Where's My King
Where Is My King?
I can’t connect my heart with my mind
How often do I try and hold on to faith?
How often do I try so hard to believe?
How long do I have to go without feeling you with me?
Do I have sin?
Have I not asked of my sin to see cleansing?
Is my heart not right?
Do I not try every, single day to please you?
I’m drying up
Trying so hard to hold on but I just can’t feel you
Holding on to faith as much as possible
I don’t know how long I can go without you
God, do you not see my heart?
Do you not see how much I desire you?
I can’t feel you
If something is in our way, remove it
If it’s me, I want my lack destroyed
I’ve begun questioning my dreams
I don’t even really know anymore if they’re from you or not
I know you don’t call the able
But I don’t even feel worthy
On the outside looking in I can see that being exciting
It’s surely not
I try every, single day to follow you to the best I can
And I feel hung out to dry
I’m just waiting on you
I see a lack of hope in myself
I can’t share excitement where I want to be excited
Afraid to miss something you have, because of choices I’ve made
I’ve put so much faith and trust into you to not let me make those choices
Will you not honour that?
What good does it do to be frustrated with you?
Inside I still believe
My mind has been flooded with so many thoughts that I don’t want
Father this perversion is not me, this is not my heart
I can’t see what you’re doing right now
I won’t back down; I’ll continue to hold on
Until every last piece of my flesh has dried up
and death knocks for my soul
I can’t connect my heart with my mind
How often do I try and hold on to faith?
How often do I try so hard to believe?
How long do I have to go without feeling you with me?
Do I have sin?
Have I not asked of my sin to see cleansing?
Is my heart not right?
Do I not try every, single day to please you?
I’m drying up
Trying so hard to hold on but I just can’t feel you
Holding on to faith as much as possible
I don’t know how long I can go without you
God, do you not see my heart?
Do you not see how much I desire you?
I can’t feel you
If something is in our way, remove it
If it’s me, I want my lack destroyed
I’ve begun questioning my dreams
I don’t even really know anymore if they’re from you or not
I know you don’t call the able
But I don’t even feel worthy
On the outside looking in I can see that being exciting
It’s surely not
I try every, single day to follow you to the best I can
And I feel hung out to dry
I’m just waiting on you
I see a lack of hope in myself
I can’t share excitement where I want to be excited
Afraid to miss something you have, because of choices I’ve made
I’ve put so much faith and trust into you to not let me make those choices
Will you not honour that?
What good does it do to be frustrated with you?
Inside I still believe
My mind has been flooded with so many thoughts that I don’t want
Father this perversion is not me, this is not my heart
I can’t see what you’re doing right now
I won’t back down; I’ll continue to hold on
Until every last piece of my flesh has dried up
and death knocks for my soul
You need to be strong
You need to be strong
You need to hold on
There is no patience
I just find filth, Delinquency, Corrupt faith, Unworthiness
Enough is enough,
What do you have, what do you want of me?
Am I right where you want me?
Why can I just not hear that?
Why does it feel like you deny me?
I go into a place and feel strong
But now I feel weak
I feel apart from you
Are you hiding from me?
Where are you?
Where’s my King?
Truth in my spirit calls out to you Father
What little is left in me from what’s withdrawn
will serve you always, for the rest of my days
Declaration
Mark my words you beast, you won’t have my soul
I see a glorious crowned King
So much more worthy than you
I’ll wait for you
I’ll wait for you
// posted by JP @ 11:47 p.m. 
Comments:
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This blog seems a tad down this time round. Our soul, i find that its the one thing that is really hard for people to get over! Just because we can't feel Him doesn't make Him less worthy to be praised or less worthy to be followed. He doesn't change just because we can't feel Him! He still accepts us and uses us for His glory, yes we have sinned and will continue to sin, we are human after all! He swips our plates and we are clean when we ask for forgiveness! We always try to make it more complicated than that... when really its not! God has put desires into your heart... follow them, look for the open doors and walk, leap, bound by faith through them! He WILL guide you! He WILL strengthen you! Be blessed on this most glorious of days! Don't lose hope, He believes in you! (God doesn't call the qualified he qualifies the called!)
this piece was written from feelings from one evening. It's not over a period of time. I looked back on it this morning and thought that was alot in one night. Today is a new day and hope's restored. I always fall back on truth and I saw myself with no patience so I told God I'll be patient with him and just wait on Him to move when and where he wants to. I wanted to write that because I know others will feel the same at points in their life. If you notice at the end I told the enemy he can't have my soul. Then I tell God I'll wait for Him. There's alway hope in Christ, which I know, it's just hard to see, so anyone who reads that ever and feels the same way, I want to birth hope. That's why I'll write ones that are down, to, in the end, encourage.
Encourage eh well Jishwa you know where I was in september. Well I feel like I am back there...I just don't care right now. Well keep up the writing.
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