JP

Are you testing me?
Because I’m failing.
I’m withering. I try.
Do I not try to hold on with the tightest grip that I can?
Why can I not hear you?
Are you speaking?
Am I not listening?
Why will you not talk to me?
Your word says you uphold those who love you,
You won’t let them fall.
I’m falling
How can I hold on with your strength if you withdraw your presence from me?

Why does everything around me have corruption?
How long do I have to walk alone?
The only reason I can do what I want to is through you, and I can’t see you.
I can’t hear you.
What did I do to you?
What did I do?
Why are you doing this to me?

I don’t want to fail; I don’t want the enemy to laugh at me
Scream with every breath; lash out the thin air,
Try and see if it’ll make you feel any better.
I ask you these questions and it seems as if you just ignore me.
I love you, I’ve told you a thousand times

I can’t say ‘no’.
There’s no value in failure
No reward for the quitter
I’m loosing my grip. I’m loosing my expectancy
I don’t want to. I want to hang on
I’m only human, I’m only a man.
I see my lack, I see too much of it

Have I not honoured you?
Have I not tried to be faithful with my life?
I feel like I’m walking alone.
I don’t understand what I have to do to get your attention?
Jump up and down?
Scream until no more sound comes out?
Cry? Curse?
I wish you would just tell me
Tell me what you’re trying to get through
So I could learn rather than guess
What have I done?

If you give me nothing else,
Would you please just give me the strength to get through?

Have I not come to you?
Have I not been seeking your face?
Have I not been pushing through hard enough?
Do I not tell you that I love you in the morning, when you give me a brand new day?
Do I not sing to you? Am I not pleasing to you?
Your word isn’t sinking it. It’s failing to get through to me. Maybe I’m rejecting it. Maybe I’m not listening.

My confidence is fading.
My worth is clouded.
I’m finding it harder to find the words to say to you
I want to give your due praises
I miss you…