JP

Why do I lay in my bed at night in the darkness with tears streaming down my face, trying not to be heard by anybody, crying out to God for help, telling him what my I truly desire, but it seems like no matter what I do, I cannot achieve the goals before me?
How often do we trap ourselves within our own confusion?
How often do we imprison ourselves?
How often do we withhold encouragement from each other? A simple word can change a life forever.
How foolish, lost and broken we are on our own?
How often I hate being human – yet…how often I just want to be.
Sometimes I don’t want to be strong, sometimes I don’t want to fight anymore, strength is gone. Sometimes I just want to let go and feel light as air. To be held instead of hold. Held by a King. Be lifted up in a golden field, high in the sky, arms out wide, eyes closed, warmth on my face, serenaded by the warm wind
Can I just be raw? Can I just be real? Can I just be see-through without looking like I’m giving up?
How often do you feel the pressure to do what you don’t have the strength do to?
How often do you feel the pressure to be who you’re not meant to be?
I cannot understand the love of God and I’ve walked underneath it my entire life.
How often do we see a gapping hole in the ground and have the curiosity to seek it out, only to find that we cannot get back up?
There’s a difference between stumbling and walking into your own mess – how often do you willfully walk into a dead hole?
How does one defeat a struggle they so desperately want to beat?
How is a process enjoyable? How does one not underestimate the power of the journey.
Why are we so discontent?

I don’t understand how corruption is beautiful in your eyes
I don’t understand why you’d want this when it fails you so frequently
I don’t understand why you send love when I send rejection
I don’t understand why I don’t do what I know I need to do
Choice is yours, but we are easily persuaded
I don’t understand why I run from you when I need you the most
I don’t understand why I’m so hard on myself yet not that hard on others
Grace isn’t always so hard to extend, but when it’s me, grace is close to extinction
With so much to do, and so many places to make mistakes, one almost doesn’t even want to stand up off the ground
Oh how fear stops us from attaining what we truly want
Pull me out of the hopelessness
How is it that I want a rest from you when you are rest... when you provide it? How foolish of me
I run from your comfort to the comfort or someone else’s, but not to spite you.
I cannot do what I want to do, I cannot achieve goals I want to achieve
I cannot step out when I’m longing to do so
Meant to use gifts I know are inside me, not necessarily read yet, but they’re there. Yet when I’m the environment to use them I am silenced. They feel insignificant. Powerless. Potential seems to have departed.

Walk along a narrow path with infinite matters to divert your attention and pull you off track. It seems impossible to advance with the odds resting so highly in the favor of death
How often we struggle, look at each other with a smile on our faces while our hearts inside are on the brink of bursting into tears
We ask each other ‘how are you’ but how many truly care? And if they did, would you know?
It’s hard to look forward with hope when all evil, discouragement and filth fill the air, completely cloud over the vision of the beautiful view I once had. Yet not all hope is gone, but faded. The sun never steps shinning, even on a cloudy day. Don’t ever forget the sun never stops shinning. Darkness comes and goes, but light will always be.
In a world so full of despair it’s hard to see clearly, it’s hard to hold on, but it can be done, even with the fragile amount of faith, hope and love that we do have…
Forgive me for my lack of faith, forgive me for my doubt, forgive me for condemning your beautiful creations…

// posted by JP @ 1:05 p.m.